The Trouble with Autocorrect
by Capitolrebel13
Summary: Autocorrect is a pain when it happens to you but when it happens to other people it's just down right funny. Johnlock, mostly on everyone's side but John's... Ok eventually John's as well.
1. LAZARUS

**Capitolrebel13: this was inspired by a post on Tumblr. I may add more chapters just cause there are a lot of funny autocorrects to miss with.**

* * *

Bloody… Moriarty just blew his brains out. Why? Damn it, I don't have time to deduce why. I whip my phone and type **LAZARUS **and send it to my brother. Where is John? I scan the area but no sign of him. My phone beeps and I look down.

**LAZARD PUS IS GO– MH**

Ummmmm…

**WAIT, WHAT?– SH**

What plan is that? No, this can't be a plan. I look back up. No sign of John yet. People are starting to notice me. Most of them are my Homeless Network which I should be thankful that actual bystanders haven't called the police yet.

**LAZY RUST IS GO– MH**

Oh, I see what's wrong.

**FUCK YOU AUTOCORRECT–MH**

I can't stop myself from stepping off the ledge, laughing. Autocorrect. Mycroft as never had problems with autocorrect. In fact now that I think about it, no one has had autocorrect problems with me before. Now I see why John laughs at them. My phone beeps again.

**DON'T JUMP UNTIL I SPELL IT RIGHT– MH**

Of course not, I wouldn't dream of ruining your prefect system. What was it John said at the end of the very first case we were on? No giggling at a crime scene? Something like that and I suppose this is a crime scene now. I swallow hard to try to stop but a few giggles still escape my lips.

**WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MYCROFT?– SH**

There he is. John. My John, my blogger, my friend. My only friend. I don't want to leave you, I really don't. But Moriarty's network needs to be brought down. I'll miss you but don't worry I will be– My phone beeps again destroying my train of thought.

**JUST TELL JOHN TO STAY PUT– MH**

Thanks brother mine. I was middle of my first, and probably only, sentimental moment in my life and you ruined it. My phone starts to ring.


	2. Wager Nights

**It's a wager night– MH**

I glance back at the screen. Sherlock is pacing around the living room. Silly little brother, you could be so much more. Why do you insist on being a detective? I suppose that's better than him wanting to be a pirate though. My phone goes off. Interesting, John has never texted me back about danger nights with my brother.

**Wager? Since when do we do wagers? OMG don't tell me you talk to people when they're not around too?– JW**

What? I scroll up to my last text. Of course, auto correct again.

"Anthea, remind me to turn off my autocorrect on my phone later," I say. What was it John was talking about?

**I meant it is a danger night. Sherlock's restless. And what do you mean talking to people who aren't there?– MH**

Waiting for a response, I go through my papers and open my filing cabinet. Isn't all this stuff on computer? Why does the Prime Minister insist on keeping a hard copy of everything?

**Sherlock does that. He'll have a whole conversation with me when I'm not there, reference it later and expects me to remember it– JH**

I start laughing and drop my phone on my desk. Sherlock, oh Sherlock. He can be so oblivious to the world around him sometimes. "Anthea can you believe my baby brother! He talks to people when they're not there and expects them to remember the conversation." I look around my office. Anthea's nowhere to be seen. Where did she go? I didn't hear her leave. She has to be here, I've been talking to her… Wait a minute. I look back down at my phone.

**Have you gone to your room?–** **MH**

**Yes sir– JA**

**But we were just talking– MH**

**Sir, I left a couple hours ago****– JA**

**No, no. I swear, we were just talking– MH**

**I will come get you sir and see you off to bed, you clearly need sleep– JA**

I pull up my contacts and find my mother's number. I hit the call button. Pick up, pick up, pick up.

"Mycroft darling. How are you?" My mother asks.

"Mummy, I think Sherlock's insanity is contagious."


	3. Jacking Off

Mrs. Hudson tries to ask me what's wrong as I storm into 221B Baker. I muffle some noise of a response and head straight into my flat. I call out for John but he's not here. Why is he not here? Doesn't he know that I come first? I don't care if he's in surgery or doesn't live here anymore, I come first! I slumped down on the couch and cross my arms. Fine, if he's not going to be here in person he should be here for me in text. I dig through my pockets and pull out my phone.

**Where are you?– SH**

A minute passes for I get a response.

**Work. The world doesn't revolve around you– JW**

Yes it does! Your world does at least. Or it should. Just because I left for two years and you're now married, doesn't give you the right to not pay attention to me!

**It revolves around the sun. Haha–JW**

Oh my god! What does it matter? Who cares what the Earth revolves around? I kick me feet up on the couch.

**Heard you got kicked out of Scotland Yard today– JW**

I roll my eyes. Of course John would know. Every time I "mess up" Lestrade tells John. Mrs. Hudson comes in and sets down some tea.

**Yeah, for jacking Lestrade off again– SH**

**You JACKED Lestrade off! Again?! Bloody hell Sherlock! No wonder you were kicked out. And why didn't you tell me you were gay!?– JW**

What is he talking about? I never… What did my last text say?

**Hell no! That not what I meant! I TOLD him off. WFT autocorrect?– SH**

Damn it! Now John thinks I'm gay. And for Lestrade! No. No. No. Why? My life is over. My life is over!

"Sherlock? Why are you rocking back and forth?" Mrs. Hudson asks. She sets a plate of cookies down next to my tea. Chocolate chip, fresh out of the oven maybe by ten minutes. The plate as been washed right before she put the cookies on it. My phone beeps. Oh John!

**Calm down. No need to be a drama queen lol. You need a knew a phone– JW**

I smile. John always makes me smile.


	4. What and WHAT tonight?

**Ok. Well, I'm going to take a nap. :-) I can be available anytime around 3. Penis and drugs tonight?– JW **

**Hahahaha!– MM**

I burst out laughing. Did he really just say that? It had to be autocorrect, it always gets him. People are now looking at me. I cover my mouth to get my laughing under control. The café server comes up to me with my tea. I thank him then texted John back

**That all depends on where we on where we go for penis and drugs. Sherlock?– MM**

I hate that Sherlock and I love the same man. I don't want to get between them but after all these months of being with John… I'm not sure I can give him up. Sherlock can't give up John either though. Sherlock and I need to talk and make some arrangement out.

**Pedis and drinks!– JW**

**OMG– JW**

What is John trying to say? Something about going out tonight and getting drinks but beyond that I just don't know.

**Hahaha text me back when you wake up– MM**

I pay for my lunch and leave. London's so pretty this time of year, the leaves have started changing color. I wonder when Sherlock's going on another case. He better take John with him. John hasn't been himself since about a week or so after the last case. He really is addicted to danger. The ringer that tells me John as sent a message goes off.

**Sherlock? Really?– JW**

I laugh again and shake my head. Oh John, are you really that oblivious to Sherlock's feelings?

**If you guys want to hook up every so often, I don't mind. Really, I don't– MM**


	5. Sherlock's love of board games

Can't this cab go any faster? I've already told the driver twice that I need to be somewhere. She responded by telling me that she's going as fast as she can without breaking the speed limit. Hmph, next time I'm stealing someone's car and driving myself. This is the first case I've had with John in a month and now I'm late.

**Where are you?–JW**

I look out the window.

**Candy land–SH**

Bugger! Again!?

**What? Look Sherlock, I know you have a love for all thing board game but really?– JW**

I laugh. It's true, I do love my board games. It's my mother's fault she's the one who played with me all the time when I was a child. Ok, its' also Mycroft's fault too. They were the only things he would do with me apart from playing pirate like once a month or so.

**Cumland–SH**

Agh, out of all the years I've been texting why is autocorrect being a hassle now?

**Getting closer to being an actual place but I still don't know where that is–JW**

**Oh for bloddy sake. C-U-M-B-E-R-L-A-N-****D**–SH

There that worked, finally! I lean back in the seat as I watch the land fly by. A few minutes pass. What's taking John so long to reply?

**Sherlock that hasn't been a county since 1947–JW**

How was I supposed to know that? It serves me no purpose to know that it's no longer Cumberland. Then again, it serves me no purpose to know that it ever was Cumberland. I shall delete this information once this case has been resolved.

**But that's where I'm at regardless of what it's called now– SH**


	6. Valentines and Wolverines

**Happy Wolverine day! :)– JW**

I smile down at my phone. Oh John. I hope he hasn't got anything planned though, not this year.

**BlOODY!... Valentines Day!– JW**

**Lol so have you asked Sherlock yet?– MW**

I was John's Valentine last year. Sherlock and I have talked (Shh, John doesn't know) and we agreed to share him. Sherlock was in shock when I told him I knew about his feelings. He stood, staring at me for about three minutes. He was probably lost somewhere in his mind castle or whatever it's called.

**Asked him what?– JW**

**To be your Valentine– MW**

**No. No Mary. This is Valentines day. Me and you time. Sherlock is NOT part of the equation– JW**

Of course he is John. I can't believe he's spent years trying to convince people he wasn't gay. He even told me once that he was grateful he didn't have to convince me. When I met Mrs. Hudson she said that she was very happy for John to have found me and that she was surprised to that I wasn't a man. If you ask me John doesn't seem gay in general, just gay for Sherlock. As long as Sherlock doesn't steal him away from me completely, I don't mind.

**You spent it with me last year, this year go spend it with him. I got you two reservations at Sherlock's favorite restaurant for 7:30 tonight. I don't think he likes flowers so get him chocolate– MW**

**Mary! O.o– JW**

I take a swig of my wine and look at the clock. Five o'clock. John and I can't do anything tonight anyway, I've made plans with my girls. Gotta call Molly, make sure she's still going. She's bailed before but I'm not letting her get away this time, especially not tonight.

**John! Just do it this one time and be all couple-y. If things get to awkward then I won't ever bug you about doing something like this ever again– MW**

A few minutes pass by. No doubt John is thinking it through. If I had known it was going to take this long, I would've pulled Molly's number up the moment I sent the text. Probably would've gotten our entire conversation done by now.

**Fine but just this once. Things WILL get awkward btw but if it shuts you up about it then fine I'll ask him– JW**

**Sherlock will be your Valentine but I can I be your wolverine? It is Wolverine Day after all ;)– MW**

_The Next Day…_

Ow. I place a hand to my temple. Too much to drink last night. It was good to see Molly loosen up though. I roll over and reach out but find only an empty space. I sit up and look around before smiling and pulling out my phone.

**I see you didn't come home last night. Have fun with Sherlock?– MW**

I get out of bed and start my daily routine. An hour or so passes before I get a reply from John.

**Do you really want to hear about it through texts?– JW**

John and Sherlock have a unique relationship and although most women wouldn't allow it, I'm not even sure I would allowed it were they anybody else, I'll give them a unique understanding.

* * *

**Capitolrebel13: If enough people ask, I'll write a chapter of John and Sherlock's "date" even if it's not on time for Valentines Day.**


	7. Give her a kiss for me

I place little Shirley down and watch as she grabs hold of the nearest toy and throws it up in the air. I take out my phone and send a text to my little girl's namesake.

**Are you sure you can handle watching her for the night? She's bigger than the last time and she's starting to crawl– JW**

I sit down next to Shirley and pick a stuff animal of my own. How long has it been since Mary and I had some alone time? On the other hand, can Sherlock really deal with this? Sure he's somewhat good with older children, give and take who they are, but my baby is only eight months old.

**Molly and Mrs. Hudson helped me "baby proof" everything. I'm sure I can watch her overnight. It's been too long since I last saw her anyway and I can't wait to kill her– SH**

Ok _that_ crossed the line.

"Mary! Sherlock's not watching Shirley!" I yell to my wife.

**No, Sherlock you've completely lost your mind if you think I'm going to bring over my daughter so you can kill her!– JW**

"What's wrong?" Mary asks as she comes in. I hand her the phone and wait as she reads it. "Oh, I'm sure it's just autocorrect, you know how it is. I don't believe he actually want to kill our little girl." I suppose she's right but this is Sherlock we're talking about. Who knows what he's going to do to.

**NO! I meant kiss! I can't wait to kiss her. You know, on the head. Why would I want to kill the little girl that was named after me? Better yet, why would you believe that I would want to?– SH**

Oh great, now I've insulted him.

**I'll be over with in a little bit. I swear though Sherlock, if you're pouting when I get there… This is awkward. Lets never talk about this again...– JW**


	8. Opera Houses and Girl problems

Sherlock is youtubing! Out of the short time while I've known him I can already tell that this is not normal behavior for him. "Opera house please, oh hang on I'm buzzing." It isn't a lie, my phone did go off but it was for a text. Time for me and John to have a talk though. "Hello? Oh hi Beth. Yeah, yeah I don't see why not." I say as I get up and walk out of the room. In the kitchen I look down to see a text from Molly.

"Actually if that's Beth it's probably for me too." John says from the living room.

**Worst morning ever– MH**

**Why? Are you ok? –MM**

"He knows we don't have a friend called Beth. He's going to figure out that its code." John and I get into a discussion about him and Sherlock going on a case. I don't know why John doesn't see that Sherlock is terrified. He is resistant to change and therefore cannot be over joyed at all about the wedding. Rather or not Sherlock realizes it himself, he's scared that John won't be there for him on cases, or probably anything else, anymore.

"I told you to find him a new case." My phone goes off, no doubt another text from Molly.

"I'm trying." It's still going to be the good-old-days with them. Well maybe not exactly the good-old-days but pretty close, it has to be. I end up pushing John back into the living room. A peak around the corner shows that Sherlock as folded a bunch of napkins into the opera house fold. Oh it's worst then I thought.

**Car wouldn't start then I ran out of Tampons at Bart's and had to use a notepad– MH**

An obnoxiously loud laugh burst from my lips and I back up into the kitchen before the boys get the chance to ask what's funny.

**LMAO I can't imagine that to be very absorbent but it's all that you got– MM**

I lean back against the table, one hand over my mouth and the other steading myself so that I don't fall over. In the living room I hear Sherlock say something about a female stalker only to have John correct him that the client thinks it's male.

**HAHAHAHA MAXIPAD! WFT! Laughing so hard. At least that brightened my day– MH**

**Glad I could help– MM**

I bring the phone to my ear and walking into the living room. "Bye." The boys are standing up. Oh good, they look rearing to go on a case.


	9. I'm sorry you're Hispanic?

**Captiorebel13: None of these take place in any real order. For example this takes place before Wolverine- I mean Valentines Day. **

* * *

**I have to tell you something. I know I rarely go to you for anything but I need you right now– SH**

Oh no. Brother mine what have you done this time? Is it something to do with his drug problem? That's the really the only thing he comes to me for.

**ok?… – MH**

I stop everything I'm doing and wait for his response. Anthea asks me why I stopped but I just shake my head.

**I think I'm Hispanic– MH**

Um, what? Really Sherlock? You want to waste my time with some childish game? I don't even want to know what game that is.

**You're joking right? THAT's what you wanted to tell me?– MH**

"Ugh, my bother can be such a pain sometimes." I say and lean my face in my hands.

"What did he do this time?" Anthea asks.

**This is serious Mycroft! I don't how to handle this revelation. I really would like your support on this– SH.**

I groan. "Just indulge him a little sir."

**Ok ok. How do you know?– MH**

**Mary told me– SH**

This time I let me head fall on the desk. "Sir. What is he saying?" Anthea asks, its sounds more like demanding but I'll let it slide.

"He's trying to say that he's Hispanic and that Mary told him." I hear her laugh a little and look up. Another text comes in but I ignore for a moment.

"It's probably just autocorrect again. He's probably trying to tell you something else."

**She could tell. I didn't want to believe but now I think she's right– MH**

Maybe he's trying to say that he's homosexual. That would make sense for both the autocorrect and how he is with John. Still I keep up the act.

**Well I'm sorry that your Hispanic?– MH**

**What?– SH**

"I'll let him figure it out." I say. "What do I have for next week?" Anthea and I go over my schedule until the next text from Sherlock comes in.

**LMAO I'm not Hispanic. We have the same parents. Why didn't you start with that? Anyway, I think I'm homosexual. At least for John– SH**

**Haha, I figured that out half way through. And it's ok– MH**

I smile. "He figured it out. He was trying to tell me he's gay. Whoa he's gay. He can't be gay!"

"Why not Sir?" Anthea asks.

**No it's not ok. You can't be interested in guys. And you can't interested in girls either– MH**

"Why? Because that means that if he decides on a gender then he'll eventually become sexually active. I won't be able to trick myself into thinking I'm not as old as I really am if my baby brother is no longer a virgin." Get a grip Mycroft. Freaking out isn't you. Why does Sherlock always do this to me?

"Sir, I've never seen this behavior in you before. Would you like a drink?"


	10. Your name is AUTOCORRECT!

**Capitolrebel13: Sorry that it's short, sorry that it's late. Real life got in the way.**

* * *

I rub the back of my neck. God, it's been killing me today! No matter what I do nothing will help. I'm a doctor for crying out loud! I should be able to fix this. I take out my phone and send a text to Mike. Can't really complain to anyone else, Sherlock's out of the question. He'd try to deduce why my neck hurts from home then if that failed he'd insist on coming in.

**Got a really bad cricket in my neck and I can't take any painkillers while I'm a work. They make me drowsy –JW**

A patient comes in and we start the checkup. At least I don't have to do any surgeries today.

**Yeah I hate having crickets in my neck too. They keep me awake at night with their chirping– MS**

Cricket? What? Oh damn bloody autocorrect!

**Crock– JW**

**Crotch– JW**

**C-R-I-C-K!– JW. **

I throw my phone down and curse. I can't believe that just took me three extra texts.

**Haha you're killing me over here. Love/Hate relationship with auto current too?– MS**

I smile, did he do that on propose or does autocorrect not like being called autocorrect. It's changed itself current on more than one occasion on me.

**I don't know about auto current but certainly with auto current. It helps most the time but then it goes off and has its fits every on and then– JW**

I read the last text again, I should probably start doing that before I send them, and roll me eyes.

**I don't think it likes being called c-o-r-r-e-c-t– JW**

**Aged– MS**

**Agreed– MS**


	11. The Duck Incident

Why? Why? Why? Why would one guy change his identity some many times, go on a date with a girl, and then never call her back? I slump down in my chair and start to play a radon tone on my violin. Maybe John is right and I'm just over thinking this. But I've never over thought anything before… Fine, it's true, despite what I want to accept! Most guys think with their penis. I don't know why, sex can't be that great. Not from what I've seen online. It all looks horrifying! Why would any woman put herself through that humiliation? And why would any man want to humiliate someone like that? It's all looked gross and uncomfortable. My phone beeps but I ignore it.

"Say for argument sake, sex is that great, why change your identity and steal the flat of some dead guy?" I ask John. He's in the kitchen getting tea.

"Like I said, maybe he's married."

"But steeling the flat of a dead guy?!" I stop playing and raise my voice to emphasis my point.

"Some people are just sick Sherlock. Especially when it comes to sex. The sooner you accept that the sooner it'll stop alarming you." He come in and sits down in his chair.

"Sex doesn't alarm me!" I shout. I then grab hold of my chair and turn so that I have my side is to him. My phone beeps again to remind me of the unopened text.

**You never told me you bother has a dick! It's sooo beautiful– MH**

I throw my phone down and stare at it wide eyed. John asks me what's wrong but I don't answer. What? What in bloody names did I just read? I swallow hard and bend down. Get a grip Sherlock, you just told, or rather yelled at, John that sex doesn't alarm you. The timing's just terrible.

**Um, well Mycroft is male so that would make sense– SH**

"Are you ok?" John asks but again I don't answer him, I just wait for Molly's reply.

**What? What does that have to do with anything?– MH**

I give the phone a confused look.

**Come on Molly you're a Pathologist– SH**

I get up. "Why is everything about sex today?" I say aloud. John slightly squints his eyes and opens his mouth but I stop him. "Nothing just nothing." My bedroom is safe. No. How about the bathroom? No. Is there any place that can't get contaminated by anything sex related? The… kitchen? I sit down at the table. At least I'm far enough away from John that he'll stop asking me what's wrong.

**Holly shit! That's sooo embarrassing! I meant DUCK! He has a beautiful duck living at his estate. Actually he has many but there's one that caught my eye. I'm sorry for earlier, I hope I didn't alarm you too much– MH**

Why does everyone think sex alarms me? This is all Mycroft's fault. John heard him say it and no doubt he told Molly about it. I can see it now, Molly and Mycroft kissing then Molly saying I would never do anything like that. My brother would reply "That's Sherlock for you. You know, sex _does_ alarm him" and then he laughs… EW! Delete those thoughts, delete those thoughts!

**Why are you even at his estate?– SH**

Please don't say their hooking up. I don't I could ever look at Molly the same again if they are.

**Oh, he didn't tell you? I assumed he did or that you would have deduced it anyway. We're kinda seeing each other– MH**

**Well I didn't know and that was a horrible way for me to find out– SH**

* * *

**Capitolrebel13: Ok time to come clean, I'm American. I'm not an expert on how the British talk, like I don't know if people in England say "hooking up". Sherlock is the first British show I've seen, though I am getting into Doctor Who, so if anyone wants to help me out in a review, feel free to do so**


	12. Lice and Happiness

**Captiolrebel13: This is before Mary and John are married so that why Mary is MM.**

* * *

I'm so glad John introduced me to Mary, we get along so well. Not that I'm getting a head of myself, it's not like we're best friends or anything. But it's good to have someone to talk to. I'm mostly a loner, always been.

**Haha, I think we found the Romeo and Juliet of the hospital– MM**

I push open my lab doors as I read the text and smile. Jack and Margret. They look so cute together and from what Margret told me, they grew up together. According to both of them there's nothing going on between them. I'm pretty sure they're dead set on staying that way since their families hate each other. It's a rather sad but kinda funny how close their situation is to Romeo and Juliet.

**And I hope they find lice is a hopeless place– MH**

Sherlock and John are here. I ask them what's up and Sherlock asks me for a Michel Markus's body.

**Lol Lice!? That would be horrible considering we're in a hospital–** **MM**

Opps. There goes autocorrect again. I set the body up for the boys before I respond.

"T-take as long as you like." I say to Sherlock. Oh, why can't I get rid of this stutter with him? Another text comes in but it's not from Mary. It's from Mycroft. I'll deal with that later though when I'm not around his brother.

**Oh wow, really autocorrect? *LOVE. I hope they find love in a homeless place– MH**

Bloody phone!

***Hopeless!– MH**

I go over Michel Markus's records with the boys.

**Haha, I knew what you meant and if they do end up getting lice keep them away from Sherlock. His hair looks like it'd be a breeding ground for lice.– MM**

I laugh but stop myself to make sure Sherlock didn't look. He didn't. Oh lord, his hair does look like it'd be a paradise for lice.


	13. Purple and Grey are too dark

**Capitolrebel13: Oh wow, I can't believe I've been gone for almost a week. I'm sorry, real life got in the way again. Uploads should be back to normal now though... hopefully.**

* * *

My phone goes off but I ignore it. Not now Mother. I don't really care what color you chose.

"Sir, she's your mother. You rarely see her, the least you can do is answer her texts." Anthea says. I hat– "I know you hate texting but you're far too busy to hold a phone conversation with her." I eye her. All these years of working for me seem to have heightened her deduction skills. I sigh and grab my phone.

**He doesn't like the purple idea. Too dark– KH**

Mummy, I honestly don't ca–

**I know you don't care Mike but please humor me– KH**

Am I like an open book today? Oh wow, that's a scary thought.

**Stop calling me Mike and what was wrong with the grey carpet?– MH**

I place the phone down and give Anthea a "there are you happy now" look. She smiles, nods, and hands me another file.

**Pizza does not like buffalo idea of berets– KH**

What in bloody names?

**What?– MH**

I knew I should never have taught my mother how to text. Well, she probably would have figured it out eventually but at least me not showing her would've stalled the problem. I don't even like texting, talking to the person is much more efficient, unless I'm talking to someone I can't understand but I understand everybody, at least the literal sense of what they're saying.

**He doesn't like the whole idea of grey. If purple was too dark for him what makes you think that grey would be any better. Honestly, I wish he would just choose a color so we can move on– KH**

You're not the only one. Mother knows that Father likes everything perfect even though he's constantly losing things. Mother could care less about how the house looks. She's far too busy to clean, too many math equations to be solved.

**I wonder what life would be like you acted like "the wife" and Father acted like "the husband"–MH**

**You'd be having this conversation with him. And if I didn't stop calling you Mike the first hundred you asked what makes you think I'm going to stop anytime soon–KH**


	14. Loading up Minecraft

I sit down and stare at my desktop. Sherlock and I haven't been on a case in two weeks and now I'm starting to get as bored as him.

**Have you heard from minecraft?– SH**

I look up and my eyes find the desktop icon. Minecraft? I didn't even know Sherlock knew what Minecraft was. It's been while, maybe I should play that.

**Heard? As in got an update?– JW**

I move the mouse and double click the icon. The game starts to lo ad up.

**Yeah. I'm bored. No interesting cases. Might as well see what he has to offer– SH**

He?

**Mycroft?– JW**

The game fully loads and I smile. I play in free roam and the last time I was on, I was mining.

**Yeah, what did you think I was talking about?– SH**

**Minecraft. That's what you said and no I haven't heard from Mycroft– JW**

Mary comes in, asking me something but stops short. "I haven't seen you play Minecraft in a while."

"Sherlock's fault. He reminded me of it." I tell her.

"Sherlock knows what Minecraft is?" I tell her about how he meant Mycroft and she laughs.

**I don't even know what Minecraft is– SH**

I laugh and show her the text which causes her to laugh too. Of course Sherlock doesn't know what Minecraft is. I should convince him to play, if he likes it he won't complain about being bored. If he doesn't, well… then he'll just complain about being bored.

**It's a computer game. You should try it sometime–SH**

"What time do you want to go to the dealership?" Mary asks. I start fighting a spider and tell her that anytime is good. "We'll have to bring Sherlock. He'll be able to negotiate a good deal no doubt, as well as deduce witch car is worth getting." Sometimes I feel like those two should've got married.

**No– SH**

"Does he have to come with us everywhere?" I ask.

**Yes– JW**

"Yes. Just because he doesn't live here doesn't mean he's not part of our relationship." She says as she leaves the room. "Besides, don't you want a nice car?"

**No– SH**

**Yes– JW**

I do want a nice car and she has a point.

**Fine but I won't like it– SH**

_One week later_

I walk into 221B and call out Sherlock's name. Lestrade has a new case that I'm pretty sure Sherlock will like it. A quick scan around the flat shows no sign of him. I yell his name again.

"I'm in here!" Ah, his bedroom. I walk down the hall to find him on his bed playing… minecraft?

"I knew you'd like it." I laugh.

"Shut up." I try to hand him the case file but he won't take it. "Too busy."

"Doing what?"

"I'm building Mycroft's estate than I'm going to destroy it." Oh no, what have I done?


	15. Silk Honey

**John's not tall. He's… vertically gifted– SH**

Yes that seems about fair. Mrs. Hudson always says I'm too mean to John about his height. I don't set my phone down like usaual. I'm too engrossed with this conversation with Mary. John, you couldn't have picked anyone better. Not only does she not get in the way with our friendship, she encouraged it to take… a step farther? I suppose that's what it was. She's also very smart. I really should get her and Mycroft together. If she can keep up with me, I'd like to see how she stands against him.

**Haha, not challenged?– MM**

**No, it sounds cooler saying 'gifted'– SH**

John's gone off… somewhere. I don't remember where he said but he's gone. Mary volunteered to help me with a new case I got the day he left. Or was it the day after? That's where our conversation started. I don't know how we ended up on John's height.

**So true– MH**

**Now if somebody asks you or John to describe him you can say he's vertically gifted. Trust me they will be impregnated– SH**

Suddenly Mycroft is siting in front of me but I don't look up. Instead I start moving my fingers around.

"I know you're not playing a game." He says. Go away Mycroft. I'm in the middle of something.

**LMFAO Really? **

Really what?

"What do you want brother mine and why does Mrs. Hudson keep letting you in?" I ask lifting my eyes. I'm well aware that he just lets himself in. No doubt obtained a key when I first moved in. My eyes go back to my texts and my jaw tightens.

"Is something the matter Sherlock?"

I miss the days when I wasn't affected by autocorrect. When I could look at a miss-corrected word and not have some freak out… Wait those days never existed, mostly because I paid so much attention to my text that I never allowed myself to be autocorrected. What happened to me? Oh. Right. John.

**I meant impressed– SH**

"Just be out with it so I can turn you down." I spit. I'm sure there's eagerness hidden there somewhere 'cause I can feel it waiting for Mary's reply. Damn it! Mycroft was right. I hate to think it but he was right. Friends. I do go in for that sort of thing nowadays. My brother starts explaining whenever it is he came here for.

**Well if you say it then maybe– MM**

My face falls and Mycroft stops mid-sentenced.

**Wait what?– SH**

I jump up and head for my bedroom.

"No I don't want anything to do with whatever it is you're trying to give me and I want you gone by the time I come out." I say to him and slam my bedroom door. He's already figured out something's wrong but I swear he better not push.

**According to John you voice is "silk honey" and I'm not going to argue– MM**

What?! He's never said anything like that to me. Sure he'll whisper sweet things into my ear but nothing like that.

**Are you flirting with me? Cause if you are its weird– SH**

It's so weird and I don't even know that's what she's doing. The only experience I was with flirting is Molly's old awkwardness and Adler's "Let's have dinner". And I most certainly can't tell over texts.

**Just relaying back what John said about your voice and the fact that it could impregnated people–MM**

This is over. I'm done.

**Considering this has nothing to do with our original conversation about my case I'm ending it– SH**

I walk out of my bedroom to find Mycroft's still here. Agh, can't he take a hint.


	16. I can't take you seriously

**Ortiz hurt my either I wi make pay– MH**

Didn't Sherlock say that Mycroft only texts when he can't talk? He must be in that silent-club or something. Regardless, that text made no bloody sense.

**Um?– JW**

**If you hurt my brother I will make you party– MH**

I chuckle and Sherlock and Mary look up at me. I clear my throat.

"Funny news story." I say

**Don't threaten me with a good time lol but I won't hurt Sherlock– JW**

Ok, I get that Mycroft is very protective of his brother. It's almost to a point where he acts like Sherlock is his younger sister instead of his brother, but does he honestly believe I would ever hurt Sherlock? Does marrying Mary count as hurting him? I'd say "no" since he's helping with the wedding plans but he has been acting odd lately. Mary told me to find him a case but so far he's turned down every one I suggest.

**I'm Stroud john you don't wanto cites me– MH**

Oh God, I hope Mycroft never turns off his autocorrect, he's so much easier to deal with when his phone's screwing up his words.

**You're in Stroud? What are you doing there?– JW**

Where is Stroud again? I know it's somewhere in England…

**SERIOUS CROSS!– MH**

"I'm serious John you don't want to cross me"? No duh I don't want to cross you… Serious Cross… I chuckle.

**Actually it's Sirius Black but idk what Harry Potter has to do with this– JW**

"What are you laughing at?" Sherlock asks and I laugh again at how annoyed he sounds.

**OH MY GOD!– MH**

**I suggest calling or kidnapping me cause I can't take you seriously right now– JW**


	17. This phone's broken

**Capitolrebel13: I must give thanks to Truly Sherlockian, for they were the one who got me out of my slump. And to let people know, I've been working the "Date" between John and Sherlock.**

* * *

**Did you make me?– JM**

What? What did I just send? That doesn't even make sense. I start to retype my message when I get a text from the Virgin.

**What?– SH**

Oh, not a virgin anymore is he? New nickname? Pretty Boy? Sure, let's go with that for right now. I hit the send button.

**Did you mash me?– JM**

I let out a loud growl and everyone around jumps and stares.

"Autocorrect." I say to the onlookers. They laugh or completely ignore me. So what if my face just played on every screen in England, no one seems to recognize me. Normally I would take a picture of whoever didn't respond to me and have someone kill them later but right now Sherlock is my main concern.

**Who is this?– SH**

Really? Not that great at deductions as he claims to be if he can't tell it's me. Seriously, I know that the texts were wrong but did he not hear me say "did you miss me" over and over and over again?

**Did you kiss me?– JM**

I grind my teeth and squeeze the phone.

**MISS! Did you miss me?– JM**

That took way too long. I'm getting a new phone soon, obviously this one isn't working right.

**Oh you… not really. Miss you that is. I don't remember ever kissing you– SH**

No, we've never kissed though I do wish I had taken the chance of the roof three years ago.

**Heard that our Johnny Boy stole your vigilante– JM**

I bet John made him so submissive. Sherlock needs to be submissive. Maybe I should pay him a visit and make sure he knows that in case John didn't dominate him...

**My what?– SH**

**Your virginity– JM**

Not that hard to figure out. Sherlock no longer holds himself together like a virgin. He's much more flirtatious with everyone, rather he realizes it or not too.

**Yeah, I gave it to John…– SH**

**Just handing yourself out to anybody now? Whore. Ah that's your new nickname since I can no longer call you the Virgin. Maybe I should stop by and feel you out– JM **

**Ummmmm, no– SH**


End file.
